No Reason

We only have a few weeks left until our 12 weeks with a para sub are finished. Daniel's para is on a 12 week family medical leave. She had a beautiful baby boy this summer and starting with the first day of school started 12 weeks off to be at home. While I was very happy for her, this left me with a lot of anxiety as this meant for us, the first 12 weeks of middle school were with a sub. We had tried to arrange a sub of "choice" and because of many different reasons, that didn't work out. Except for some minor bumps in the beginning and the horrible two days during the full moon, things have gone remarkably well. The sub who has stayed with him came in on day two and after a week of subbing agreed to stay on until Mindy (his long time para) comes back on November 30. Let me say, this sub has been AWESOME. We have been so so lucky to have her for these weeks. I can't imagine the difficulty if we'd had to bounce around from person to person this whole time. But it has obviously been an adjustment. She doesn't know Daniel, although she's learned pretty quickly and has a wonderful calm nature about her that he needs.

During the "full moon incident" I could feel myself wanting that date to come. As great as his new school has been and as well as they have gotten to know him, they still don't KNOW him like Mindy does. I've felt that these last two weeks. Again, this week a few things "happened". I have been working closely with his teachers. They have talked to me a lot trying to sort out the "Danielisms" that appear that they don't know what to do with. I can shed some light for them, but without being there and just hearing their explanation of things, it can be hard to figure out.

This past Thursday apparently right after I got in the shower to get ready for work, my cell phone rang. I didn't hear it obviously and since it was charging in my family room the next 30 minutes that I was getting ready I had no idea they had called. Of course they never called my home phone either, but I had told them cell first. I, silly me, figured that they would then try my home number, but I guess not. I was walking out the door to head to the office and my gut kicked in. I thought, "I had better check my email". Which I did. Only to find these two emails:

1. I need your to call me right away 3*3-$%^$ then 20 minutes later....

2. Re: Okay, I think we are okay...hopefully. I will call you if anything else happens. Ms. _____ did not do anything and Daniel went after her and got in her face.

First I know from first hand knowledge that it is scary when Daniel comes at you. He is big. After a trip to the Dr. this week I know he is 170 pounds big and about 5'6" tall. He is careful not to touch you because that is his line. But it takes a strong person to stand there face to face with him. I know because I'm usually one of the people he'll do it too. The funny thing is, he'll only do that to the people he trusts. It's almost like he is calling out to you for help. But I digress, I need some feedback here to know what your reaction would be, because my reaction to the email's was NOT GOOD. First I called the number in email number 1 and no one picked up. Probably because things were under control and they were back to class. So I left a message saying I was in the shower and missed the call and that I would email her.

So I emailed and "lost it" in my email. I was pissed. More than pissed. I told a friend of mine that I was yelling at a teacher in an email and she said "you mean with all CAPS?" . . . not that much yelling, but I answered and copied my husband, the social worker and the AI teacher consultant. I tried to explain my rage as I will try to explain it to you, my readers. First I'll say as I mentioned earlier they aren't asking me to come and get him or anything like that, they are letting me know of the situation and asking for my input on what triggered him, usually. I am fine with that. If anyone can help them find the triggers they will all be happier, including Daniel, my main concern. BUT that phrase "______didn't do anything and Daniel went after her and got in her face, set off my triggers. I know part of it goes back the fiasco 1st grade year where I heard daily and in meetings that "everything is fine and he can't handle it and goes off for no reason". I had a flashback, similar to the veteran who hears the car backfiring that makes a dive for cover. I went into defensive mode.

I explained as clearly as possible, that Daniel does not go off "for no reason". It may not be a reason that they see, but something set him off and it is up to THEM to figure it out. I will help but do not tell me it was for no reason. I went on and on and on. . . and on. I said my best guess, having no explanation expect he "went off", was among other things, that possibly some of the kids around him were acting up and no doing what they are supposed to and/or some of the work was too frustrating etc. His speech skills are still very limited, especially when he's upset. So he can snap in frustration. Which is what happened. I later learned that:

1. in 1st hour in computers his keyboard stopped working (who has not freaked out from their computer breaking down? and this sends him into orbit) It sounds like he actually handled it quite well. He "went to the boys room" which is one of his things he is supposed to do when he is stressed. It gives him a walk and an away safe place. He can sing in there, which helps calm him down. They switched his keyboard and he was back on target but still running a little higher than normal. On to second hour. . .

2. They were doing a very difficult assignment (sound familiar?) he was very frustrated with.

3. They had a lock down drill. He usually does well with these, but with the other two things having just happened he was on edge and apparently some of the kids were talking and laughing (which is against the rules). Making him lose it. (again, sound familiar? am I good or what?)

I didn't hear anything after my email went out except from my husband who said he was 100% behind me and he thought I explained my anger quite well. After talking to him I began to relax myself and headed off to work.

I got a rather surprised apology, still not really understanding MY losing it, but explaining she did not mean to offend me in any way. (and probably telling her co-workers that Mrs. Sneathen went off on her 'for no reason') :) I actually still couldn't bring myself to answer her so I didn't. I then got an email at 4:00 and again and 6:30 (in case I hadn't received it). I wasn't answering and I think I was driving her crazy, but I didn't want to answer until I felt better about the situation.

I finally responded the next day. I basically said I knew that nothing was meant by it, but that "for no reason" thing will set me off every time, again explaining why. The lesson for all of is pretty obvious....autistic or not, we all have triggers and they are different for everyone. The difference is that even in my anger I can sit down and write a comprehensive answer as to what made me angry. Daniel cannot. He doesn't even always know why he's upset, he just knows he is. Often when you ask him what made him angry he'll describe what he did in reaction to the anger, like, "I got in her face" still not understanding what made him angry to get in her face. We work on this every single day. For YEARS now we journal every night. Every night we write down 1. what made him happy, 2. how he helped out during the day and 3. what made him angry. I would say 8 out of 10 times he tells us his reaction to his anger and then we help him work through to the CAUSE of the anger. Sometimes he even tries the "I wasn't angry" which is true part of the time, the other times he was and is trying to avoid it. We then have the opportunity to talk about what he could have done differently, if anything. This isn't my idea, we do it for his private speech teacher. He's come a long way. In the beginning he would RELIVE the incident like it was happening anew, every single time. Yelling and crying. He doesn't do that anymore and sometimes he can tell us the why. We are making progress, but we aren't there yet.

Post Halloween Madness

After an insane week of days off, Halloween festivities around every corner and lots and lots of chocolate, Monday began a new week. A new and very very noisy week. Actually this noisiness began on Sunday. Daniel was so incredibly LOUD. His 'normal' perseverating and chatting and singing but times 10 in volume. . . at least. I have a tendency to get sensory overloaded. Most adults wouldn't be able to name that for what it is, but having Daniel in my life has helped me understand some of my own "quirks". Too much noise and sound and my insides start to tighten, I'm clenching my jaw, my shoulders are rising up, until that sensory glass runneth over and I'm DONE. Sunday I was DONE on many occasions. I told him on at least twice that one of us had to leave the room because mom could not take the noise, noise, noise! (is that the Grinch or Cat in the Hat?) Anyway, he was very upset with me and my lack of being able to tolerate his loudness. Nice that he wanted to be at my side, not nice that he couldn't lower his voice to anywhere near a normal decibel level.

Fast forward to Monday. The loudness continued. He, apparently, came into school "singing" at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS and from there it got nothing but louder. Soon he was in tears because people kept trying to get him to take breaks, take a walk, get a drink, all the things they are SUPPOSED to do when he can't pull himself together. This just pissed him off further. They called me, not to complain, but for advise. All I could do is say, "I know, I know, I saw it yesterday". Group was pretty good Monday night. She has a new strategy for when Daniel gets upset because kids are "acting silly" or "not following the rules" and he tries to control the room....she simply wrote on a piece of paper something like, "when kids are being silly or not following the rules, Daniel will stay quiet and let the teacher tell them what they should be doing" or something like that. As soon as Daniel would start to point something out, she'd point at the paper, would not say anything, just point, and HE STOPPED. Every time. I have, of course passed this on to school.

Then Tuesday morning I was at Zachary's bus stop. My cell rang. It was the school. This is bad news as school hadn't even started at that point. Sigh. I answered (tentatively and really wanting to ignore the damn thing) only to immediately here in the background Daniel screaming at the top of his lungs. These poor people were beside themselves. I told her to ask Daniel to get on the phone with me...the response was NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! O.K......

They had gone through the first, what? 8 weeks of school, and not seen this ever. All of a sudden he flipped. I listed strategies, reminded them of everything and nothing was working. I found myself counting the days until his para was back from her Family Medical Leave. November 30. That is a LONG time away. At least from this chair. Probably not so much for her. But really it's all about me...isn't it? No? Well, it should be ;) Anyway, after school the note said he was "aggressively leaning into his para pro (who has been wonderful by the way), not touching her, but in a threatening manner". I, unfortunately, know EXACTLY what they are saying. This is what he does when he's really mad at you. He may not be able to verbalize it, or the why, but you can't get much more of a non verbal communication than that can you? I wrote the teacher an email back explaining this saying, I don't know what he's mad at, but he is clearly, telling her to back off. If she is following on breaks etc, she must stop. He needs space and is clearly communicating that. I followed with, I hope you don't turn around and talk about the nutty woman in EL, but. . . . it's been a full moon, can we give him space and see if this passes on its own? Yes, I was suggesting that the moon was contributing to the insane and noisy behavior of my son.

Her response was, omg I didn't realize it's a full moon, ok lets see...That night, I kid you not, Daniel was getting into bed. He turned to me, smiled his beautiful and slightly sneaky smile and said, "I love a full moon". Seriously. I should have said, what do you like Daniel, the fact that you let everything out and are basically HOWLING AT THE MOON for two days? But I just smiled and said, "I know." It was almost like, "that was the end of it, I've been acting crazy but now its over." And you know what? The next day it was done. Over. Gone. Back to normal. As if nothing happened. I received an email from school saying,"well, it's the same Daniel today as the rest of the year." I knew it was going to be over after he said that. I don't have a good ending to this except, I've seen in the past the moon having an affect on him. But this was nuts and he pretty much told me it was the end as if he could feel the pull was gone. It's really an amazing phenomenon. I'd like to hear how you or your kids have reacted in the past to the full moons. It's fascinating. And I'm glad it's over....for this month.

Full Disclosure

As you know, Daniel is in middle school. In our district there is one middle school that all schools meld into. He has done an amazing job. He is trying really hard and working really hard. I've given him some new independence. He still has a parapro with him except for band. Band is a time when he has had some independence previously. I really wanted him to have a para with him during lunch since a middle school lunch room is such controlled chaos. I still think this was a good move especially since Daniel has really started noticing when his peers are "acting silly" or "not following the rules" and it makes him M*A*D* MAD. The good news is he is noticing those around him more, the bad news, he wants to control them. We are working on it.

This weekend I took Daniel for his usual swim on Sunday. I actually got my butt in the pool this week to swim with him. My hope was to make him actually swim more, (he likes to "race" me) and also to get myself a bit of exercise. For a girl who has never (don't hate me) really gained weight (I gained 29 pounds in both of my pregnancies) I have added a solid 12 to mostly my midsection. It's depressing, especially since the only thing that has changed has been my age. While we were in the pool a boy Daniel's age who we frequently see there arrived. I took the opportunity since I was right there to initiate some interactions. Daniel was showing him all of his different fish impressions in the water. These include, swimming like a jelly fish, dolphin, whale etc etc. They are eerily accurate. The boy started playing along and also trying out the strokes and following Daniel. He also added in more typical 12 year old boy things like "swim like a dead body" which Daniel imitated right back. I was thrilled. I suggested they go off the slides and they did. This went on for a good 45 minutes. During this time I started talking to said boy's father. His son swam over and clearly had something to say to me.

He then told me that during band (which he has with Daniel) when "Daniel says what some kids think to be random things there is some laughing and picking on him". I loved his assessment that others may perceive his perseverating to be random but in fact it is not! Anyway, I asked if these kids happen to be kids who had never been in a school with Daniel before. He confirmed my thoughts. I surprised myself by not being upset by this fact. I realized right away that when people don't know or understand Daniel's disability they think it's nuts the way he talks out loud all the time. He did also mention that the two trombone players (one of which Daniel considers his best friend) stood up for Daniel when this would happen. This pleased me greatly and I thanked him for telling me and immediately started writing the soon to follow email in my head.

My solution to this is not to change anything about Daniel, or to get more support but to educate the children. I emailed the social worker, special ed teacher and of course the band teacher and told them what I had heard and encouraged a "talk" with the band class about Daniel. The band teacher said that she had seen this and had talked to the offending children about it and has not seen anything since. The social worker agreed that a little educational talk may be in order.

I know that some parents on the spectrum do not agree with how I handle his disability. I hear undercurrents of "not respecting his privacy" that it is "personal" etc. Some choose the opposite of me and do not tell their kid's peers of the disability. Maybe part of it is Daniel's disability is out there anyway, you can't miss it! But really I think that most kids, even those that are higher functioning, the kids know there is a difference and I have found that if you address the difference and explain it (especially at a young age) the kids just kind of say, oh, hmm. It has been our experience that the kids who went to his lower elementary are all extremely supportive. We were lucky enough to have a fabulous social worker there and every single year I encouraged her to talk to his class about him (when he wasn't there). This has grown into a huge following of kids who are very protective of him. It has also, on more than one occasion (like last time he switched schools) helped kids to feel comfortable enough to approach me or their parents and tell them of some injustice happening. It is my feeling if we tried to hide it and not talk about it, they wouldn't feel comfortable letting us know of something going on.

I don't want you to think he gets harassed all the time. I can count on one hand in 7 years the instances this has come up. I tell people all the time if he can't answer their question, or he is barges past them almost pushing them out of the way, if it works I'll tell them of his autism. It isn't an excuse, but a learning opportunity for others. They can learn one of the many ways autism can look, they can learn how to not be so judgemental (because you haven't walked in anyone else's shoes) and they can learn to be kind. I feel with my 24/7 full disclosure that I'm helping others to do that. I am thankful for the information I received at the pool on Sunday, not that kids were sniggering at him, but because we have the opportunity to help them understand and accept someone else's differences.

Happy Halloween

We have another Halloween under our belts at the Sneathen house. The kids enjoyed themselves immensely. Daniel is loving Halloween more than ever before, the fact that he's 13 and looks 19 is a bit of a negative, but so far we've had no complaints from people handing out candy! We actually had a 20 year old bringing his little sister around and he had a bag for himself, so I'm chalking this one up to one of my autism theories which is, Daniel is doing what everyone WANTS to do but does not because of outside pressures and peer pressure. He doesn't care that it's not "cool" for a 13 year old to dress up in an all out clown costume, paint his face and trick or treat with the little kids. He doesn't care that it's not cool to sing Veggie Tales "God is bigger than the boogie man" at the top of his lungs. It's a very catchy song! He goes with what he truly loves without letting anyone else tell him differently. There is something lovely and endearing about that. If fact, I have some jealousy about it!

We were ready for trick or treating but Daniel was insisting that he wanted his face painted. He has never allowed his face to be painted. It was just a few years ago that he finally put a temporary tattoo on him. In the past, if he got a stamp on his hand he would hold it out in front of him crying as if the ink was burning a hole in his hand. I still don't know if it actually hurt a bit or he didn't like the look of his skin this way. This will go under the category of "things I may actually find out in the future". When Daniel told me he was going to have his face painted this year I believed him 100%. When Daniel says he is going to do something, he does it. There is no going back. That is a GREAT thing with him. I know once he says he'll do it, he will, and he'll never go back to not doing it.

Let's give an example. . . . the dentist. He wouldn't let someone even look in his mouth for years. I'd bring him to the dentist, he'd watch them clean my teeth, clean Zachary's teeth, he'd sit in the chair, but clamp his mouth shut. Many people I know with kids on the spectrum would put their kids under for the dentist, but it wasn't a route I wanted to go. I knew once I got him there we'd be good and then he'd have the rest of his life, not being put under. Then one day, he had a new hygienist, in a new building and he did an entire teeth cleaning. . . . he's been doing it ever since.

I could tell he was nervous about the face paint, but he sat very patiently in the kitchen chair while I applied white makeup over his entire face. Zachary stood behind me saying EXACTLY the right things (I love that kid). He encouraged him, told him how great it looked. Daniel had a vision which he thankfully can share with me. He told me "I want an all while face, a big red clown smile and blue triangles on my eyes". I believe that some of the crying and screaming as a younger child were because he knew what HE wanted but WE did not, since he couldn't communicate it. He assumed we knew and would freak out when it didn't look that way. He has learned to communicate his needs much more effectively (most of the time).

So here he is looking at the final result: I love this picture. There is something about the way that he is looking at himself in the mirror that touches my heart. Not a whole lot of people can appreciate how much a little thing like painting a face can mean to someone. Daniel certainly helps you appreciate the little things in life because he enjoys them so much. The next one is Daniel feeling very proud of himself and ready to go to our annual neighborhood parade.

His brother Zachary takes a totally different approach to Halloween and wants to scare everyone. He also needed to by face painted. His mask was a half mask and the picture on the box showed it painted on the bottom half and on the neck. As I was painting him I reminded him that my skills may not be the same as the professional make up artist who most likely painted the kid on the front of his box. You see, Zachary is a perfectionist of the highest order and he's creative and can draw and paint well beyond his 9 years. He said he understood and he was sure I'd do a good job (I've trained him so well haven't I?) So here is a picture of Zachary's finished product. I hope it shows up ok because when I try to enlarge pictures on here they get blurry. Does anyone else have this problem?

Zachary covered our entire neighborhood which is over 100 houses, then went into the neighboring hood. Daniel was home within an hour but still got a pretty good haul. He is perfectly content being able to say ok I did it and I'm done and Zachary feels the need to go 110% for the allotted 2 hours of trick or treating in EL. I don't know if it's that way elsewhere but you have from 6 to 8 and then you are done. No stragglers. The siren goes of at 8 and you are done. As a parent I can't tell you how much I appreciate that!

I'm so happy this week is over. It has been the busiest week I remember in a long time. Besides the 2 1/2 days off of school, the Halloween parties at school and in the neighborhood, conferences, getting Daniel's reevaluation and new IEP done based on the reeval, I started my new job. I spent my first week as an advocate and my 8.5 hours that I'm supposed to work ended up being 12 I think....(See Zachary's description above as a perfectionist. ) This is going to be the most difficult thing for me. I need to be able to accept that I can't get right back to people because I'm not working 40 hours a week. But it should be easier next week while they are in a full school week and with no holidays and parties looming over me.

Todd and I did cut loose a bit ourselves, the week before we went to a party. Also speaking of perfectionist and competitive, I made out costumes for our party. I think they turned out pretty well! So here we are, the happy couple:

Pumpkin Walk

Halloween week is upon us. I say week because like many other holidays Halloween is spreading it's wings and lasting days and days. Yesterday Zachary's school had his school Halloween party, then later that evening was East Lansing annual "Pumpkin Walk".

The downtown business district in East Lansing graciously open their doors to the children. They dress up and hand out candy (and sometimes coupons along with the candy). The sidewalks are jammed with children and adults getting the jump on Halloween. You can't walk a few stores without seeing someone you know, chatting with the parents and complementing the kids costumes. It's fun. You see kids you know who aren't in your neighborhood. A local B and B does it up big and turns the whole thing into OZ complete with the yellow brick road and all the characters.

It is always on a Thursday, at least as long as we have been attending. Which makes it after Daniels regular Thursday swim. Our friends who we talk to all the time are also heading out to the same event after us, so Zachary and his friend Emma both have their costumes in tow. Therefore, photo ops are always in store. We decided that by the time they graduate from high school we'll have a wall of photos of them together in their costumes. (I'm kidding myself that this will continue forever you understand!) Here are Emma and Zach posing together. Emma was Michael Jackson and Zachary was an undead rocker...or "dead Slash" as I heard some people say.....

As you can see, Zachary fully embraces Halloween. He goes for costumes that are the complete opposite of him. He really really gets into it....

After swimming we went to the Pumpkin walk. Daniel dressed into his costume. He LOVES his costume this year. After years of Daniel refusing to put on costumes, refusing to ring door bells and say "trick or treat", the past few years he has progressively gotten into it. Here we are at age 13 and he is finally in full on Halloween mode. The fact that he was taller and bigger than 95% of the people handing out the candy, means nothing to him. He is in his GLORY. It is fun to watch. I mean really fun to watch.

The little little kids who were out last night, would look up at Daniel and be in awe. They thought he was a "real" clown. They'd say, "mommy look at the clown, hi clown, wave at me clown!" "Shake my hand clown" and my favorite, "can I honk your nose?" Daniel and I were sitting on a bench at the end of the night. We were tired and waiting for my husband to come out of one of our favorite restaurants with food to go. A little boy say us and was giggling up a storm. He was circling us and asked if he could grab Daniel's nose. Daniel says, "look it honks" and Daniel honked it. (HE LOVES THIS FEATURE) then the boy asked if he could and Daniel leaned forward so he could. He made that kids day. And they both made mine. He somehow came alive socially under that clown costume. Here he is on the bench. It was really something. He usually does well with 3 and 4 year olds since really, they have a lot in common. Daniel still enjoys a lot of the same things as kids that age and they think it's amazing this giant person enjoys it.

It was really an amazing night. We were all exhausted. Thankfully, the school had today off. The boys slept in until 9:30 (YAHOO FOR ME!) and got rested up. After all, tomorrow we get to dress up and do it all again! But this time. . . he says he wants his face painted. . . we'll see how that goes! That would be another first for Daniel, but he's determined, so somehow I think he'll do it. He's already told me he will have a white face, red smile and blue triangle on his eyes....the kid has vision!

A new frontier

I have eluded to resumes and jobs on this blog. It is something that I wondered if I'd ever be able to do again. The problem, as any parent of a child with special needs knows, is that we are "on call" 24/7. Occasionally I'd think, "maybe I can start to look for something very part time", just this thought process would set of a chain of events that would bring everything crashing down around me. The universe telling me, "not right now".

A few years ago I allowed the thought in my head and within two hours I was sitting in the principals office of Daniel's 5/6 building. They had called me because they were unable to calm him. I don't remember the circumstances, but I do remember sitting there, texting my husband with tears running down my face.

Am I someone who needs to "work"? No. Actually let me correct myself. I work my ass off. All the time. I'm very very good at what I do. How about have something of my own and get PAID for it? From here on out, it will be "get paid"! No I'm actually pretty content doing an excellent job at home. Keeping on top of Daniel's school, being able to be proactive instead of reacting to problems. Keeping our house in acceptable conditions. This is what I do and have done for 12 years, almost to the day. After I had Daniel, I went back to work for 9 months. At his first birthday I quit. I was working full time, living in the Detroit area. I'd drop him off at day care early and pick him up late. It killed me. I quit and said we'd figure it out, which we did. I can't believe that was 12 years ago. I remember coming home after a long day of work and having Daniel open his 1st birthday presents. Two days ago I sat here and watched him open his presents for his 13th birthday. The fact that 12 years have rushed by me is astounding. I know everybody says that, but it's because it is true.

Let me rewind how I have come to this place. Over the years here I have become very involved. I am part of our Special Ed Parents Organization. For them I sit on our school district wide parent council. I am the voice of the special needs kids. I'm on my third year of this. It has allowed me to get to know school board members, and the superintendent. They have said to me, that just my presence there helps them to think of an issue in a different way, one that involves "our" kids. That makes me proud. I hope that my time and input has helped shape the way our district makes decisions. After I started blogging more last fall, a mom in our district was reading it regularly. I knew her, as Zachary and her oldest are the same age and have played on sports teams together. We didn't know each other well. Our relationship grew and one day she said, "you do amazing things and need to get paid for it". I thought, yeah right. Eventually, through her, I became a part of a group that meets for the Michigan Family to Family Health Information and Education Center (F2FHIEC) (that is a mouthful) I was brought on to help spread the word to my contacts about the wonderful services they have to offer special needs kids and families. They paid me a stipend for my time. It's only once a month, but it was nice to get a check for my time in a meeting!

This same friend then told me she heard of a job at the ARC of Michigan, a State organization for developmental disabilities. They received a grand to hire parent mentors throughout Michigan. Jodi, (said friend) was in a meeting and told them she had their Lansing person. I wrote out a resume and sent it in. In the meantime I was at a different meeting and someone approached me and said exactly what Jodi had said to me months earlier,

"do you get paid for what you do?" She asked.

and I answered "no".

"do you want to?".

"yes, if it works for my family". I answered.

That's the kicker right? I didn't think I'd be able to find something that I could work in. The person who approached me from this meeting worked for UCP (United Cerebral Palsy). They were looking for an advocate. The advocate is not just for CP it is for all disabilities. It is a very limited job. 8.5 hours per week on average. I thought it sounded like a great way to test things out. I interviewed and was offered the job. But meanwhile the Arc job is still out there. I have an interview next week with them. I was very torn about this because I really wanted to hear what they had to say. This job is 20 hours a week and is a Parent Mentor position. Helping families learn the ropes. Training them to be proactive, if need be referring them to an advocate (the other job I accepted). Then an amazing thing happened. When UCP offered me the job they said they really wanted me, but they knew my resume was in at the ARC. They gave me their blessing to interview there and if I decided it was a better fit, gave me their blessing to take it with no hard feelings. But they wanted me for as long as they could have me. What an amazing offer! It took away my stress. I really didn't want to commit to one then immediately look at another job. I don't work that way. I commit to something and stick to it.

So currently I am an advocate for UCP. I have an interview next week. Daniel just turned 13, I just celebrated my 20 year anniversary. I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. The only thing that happened is Zachary's school is closed for the next 2 days from Swine flu. He is currently well. It's an exciting time for me. It's nice to know those years of going to meetings for "free" and working so hard ended up creating a really nice little resume. After not working for 12 years I was told I had "tons of experience as an advocate". I'm proud of that. It's amazing to be recognized for what you've done. My brain is still trying to catch up to all of this. But I am very thankful for the opportunities that have come my way. It is exciting to think that all I have learned can be put to use to help other families. It will also be exciting to get a small but consistent check every other week!

Times are changing in the Sneathen household. I think it will be for the better.

Lands End Pants

I have written before of my love of Lands End pants. Styles similar to this.

I have about 10 pair, of this style of pant in a 16 husky. They are perfect for kids like Daniel for the following reasons:

1. The fabric is nice, not rough, not scratchy.
2. They don't have buttons, but they look really nice. With a decent shirt untucked you would never know that they are elastic waist.
3. For kids who are wider (or slimmer) they come in husky or slim.
4. They are exceptional quality.

There are probably many more reasons. But this is enough of list isn't it? These pants, while expensive have really been a wonderful thing for us. Daniel is unfortunately in the largest size right now; 20 H. Therefore my mind is in problem solving mode of what the heck do I do next?

The reason I am posting this is I am boxing up things to give to charity. It occured to me that someone who lives with a child with special needs may really really need something like this about now. So here is my deal. If this size works for you or someone you know and you are the first to take dibs, I will send these to you. The only cost on your part will be to pay for shipping. Once you give me the address, I'll get an estimate and see if it's agreed upon. Then I'll send them off with only the cost of shipping to you.

I would rather have these go to someone I "know" who may need them. Any takers?